mind, keep it straight

I tend to change my mind a lot.
and over the years, I have learned to live with it.
Even gotten quite comfortable.
But in the process, I tend to hurt a few people.
I wish that wouldn't happen because they are probably the nicest people I would ever meet. and they don't deserve that.
I know I would want someone to tell me as soon as they made up their mind about me.
But this is not the case. I have also tend to give out the vibe that nothing changes. Even after I changed my mind. The problem is, how do you break it to someone that has been so nice, not only to you, but to everyone they know.
This, I shouldn't even be thinking about. This is exactly why I was afraid of "being" with someone. I change my mind out of the blue. and this is all out of my intention.
How do you tell someone that you just simply don't feel anything about them anymore other than the love you have towards a friendship.
Especially when they have friends that could kick ass lol.
I am not the type of person who forces herself to stick it out towards something that she don't need. As in right now, I don't need 'anyone'. So sticking this thing out, whatever it is, to me is unnecessary. I do not need to waste my time towards something that I know, will never happen.
Thinking about this alone is unnecessary but, I have put myself right in the middle of the situation where you have to find a way out rather than just ignoring it.
Nice going dude.

There are a lot more things that matters in the world. This is not one of them.
I want to be a bigger part of the world.
I am not yet in the place searching to be a bigger part of someone's world.
I shouldn't even be thinking about this because in a few years, it would seem silly like how I see myself a few years ago now.
But a lot is at stake. Reputation. I can't even believe I'm saying this right now. At some point you can't help thinking that you have to 'live' in your present world no matter how small it is. It leads to the bigger picture.
I just have to remind myself that I am so much better than this.
Dude, your bestfriend had been spending his whole life showing you that you are so much better than this. What happened to your promise?

A lot of things matter in the world. This is not it.