now what?

This is kinda like another episode from the last post 'drama'.
When I wrote the last post, I was hurt. Hoping with all my heart that I would be given a chance.
Who would've known, a few minutes after I was done with the post, he came.
He came, to me. and the world was full of butterflies and honey again.
How cheesy was that. But really, everything felt like it was supposed to be.
But it was nice letting some of feelings out SOMEwhere.
It's not like I could talk about this stuff to anyone here.
and who knows maybe I'll look back to those days and see how pathetic I was.

Back to the story.
Few minutes after the post, he came and "announced" that they are no longer together.
How crazy was that? I mean, imagine if this was a movie. Right when I was pouring my heart out, he was somewhere else ending things up for them.
And in the end he choose me?
Cheesy I know.
I imagine it being like a montage or something lol.

But this is the real world. Stop dreaming.
Why would he ever choose me? And did he really ever choose me?
Here's the thing, when I was writing that post I was being somekind of melodramatic.
But I can't help but secretly hoping that he would try to stick with what he has/had.
Lets face it, I don't want to be responsible for their relationship.
What they had, COULD be something else. And I don't want to be the person who ruins it.
And I probably want to feel the pain again. Secretly hoping for drama.
Now, I hate drama. But that only apply if it involves other people.
I need the pain to feel something again.
I've been walking around not being able to feel. Like a zombie.
Heartless. Maybe it's exactly what I needed. I need to feel the pain to know that I'm still alive.
Don't get me wrong, I love my life. But I'm not sure if I like who I'm becoming.
Throwing people's feelings away just like that. After a few moment of 'pleasure'.
Ew, that sounds wrong. You know what I mean. That moment when someone makes you feel so special and you are the happiest that you could be.
My probem is, it doesn't last long with me. Knowing that all of this is stupid.
I had my fun and now it's time to go back to the real world. I have my studies, family, friends and all. I don't need this.
But the person on the other end doesn't feel the same.
In the end, I ended up hurting THEM. I hate doing that.

But that's not the problem.
He choose me. (did he really though?)
Now what?