mm?

This feeling. Is not familiar. Yet I know exactly what it is.
I'm afraid to say it. It might not even be IT, but I'm pretty sure when the time comes, it will feel somewhat like this.

But before I get to that, let me rant.
Some people, just need to know that one's life, might not revolves around them.
They just have to live with the fact. Even how much they want to deny it, it's just the way it is.
I have a lot of things going on and people tend to have misconceptions of what I'm saying.
I say a lot of random things and a lot of the time, it doesn't make sense. We make our own sense based on what we got. That's where hurt mostly originated.

This. I think I know what it is. NO, it's not what you think it is. I'm too young for that.
Before, I had nothing to lose. Running away at the exact time my heart desires.
Now, I had so much to lose. It's not just him. I don't even have any sort of 'relationships' with him yet other than friends.
It's just I don't want to ruin anything if there might be a slightest chance of this being the real deal.
There's a lot on the plate now. I can't just run away anymore.
I'm a little scared right now but not shaken.

*somewhat tergantung* im tired lol